Heads Or Tails: Does Who Leads REALLY Matter? (Part II)

On The Hotline

Where we were? Oh yes, welcome back for part II (every time I hear “part II” I automatically want to sing Usher – Confessions). Now before I get started, Send Me A Pic is not just about me and my thoughts. It is a conversation. So talk back to me. Beep me 911 or call me on my cell phone, Ill call you back, to see what you gone tell me (for my Missy fans.) But really… Comment, email, DM, send a pigeon, whatever. Follow on Instagram and Twitter. Lets talk.

Previously On Send Me A Pic…

A quick recap. In part I – I introduced Fantasia, her social media A-bomb, and her views on leadership, submission, and generational curses in the Black community. I gave some brief insight into my own personal experiences, thoughts, and vantage point. Then, it all came to a close with Amanda Seals and her modern day feminist counter offer to the whole deal … (she basically said F all that s***). The stage has been set.

Part II

First, I think it has to be noted (& respected) that these stances come from two separate places. They come from two different women with different backgrounds and ideals. One, comes from a religious place, citing the Bible as the instruction manual for life. While the other, comes from a place of worldly understanding, based on life experiences – what the church would refer to as “secular” knowledge. Let me be clear, I agree with both women, to different degrees, for different reasons.

I will start with Amanda. I 100% whole hardheartedly agree that women are fully capable of leadership. Women are abundantly intellectual creatures, and have proven ourselves to be phenomenal leaders over the years. We specialize in multi tasking, critical thinking, planning, organizing, and thinking long term. Woman have been running businesses, governments, communities, and households, for years. We wear more hats than most, and still manage to get both the job and our nails done.

However, I think there is a fundamental difference in women leading outside the home, vs inside. Stay with me. Now before I get started, let me give you some context. I am a 29 year old millennial to my core. I was raised to be independent, to speak my mind, to always recognize what game your in – and play it. I believe in relational principals, but not the rigidity of traditional gender roles. I am all in favor of the man staying at home while the woman goes into the workforce, women handling the car and home maintenance, whatever. At the end of the day, every couple has to come up with their own blueprint of what works for them. If that means she takes out the trash and he does the dishes?..so be it. But there is a big difference in who does what in the home, and who leads it. This is where I back Fantasia.

What Is We Gone DO?

The other day, I had an open and honest conversation with one of my close friends. We were discussing the topic at hand and things got interesting to say the least. The nerdy intellectuals we are, we often argue points from different angles, even if we may not actually agree with said point. So in the spirit of appreciation for the art of debate, I posed this question.

Me: “Why do you feel like the man should be the head of the household?”

Friend: “Because at the end of the day, when things go to sh***, everybody going to look at daddy like – what is we gone do?”

This shook me. It was a point of view I had never considered, fathomed, or made room for… (reiterates) Because at the end of the day, when things go to sh***, everybody going to look at daddy like – what is we gone do? It is in this statement I received a glimpse to the weight of not only being a man, but leading a household. As things have gotten faster and more contemporary, the respect and appreciation for men has diminished. Now I’m not talking about these adult boys, I am talking about men.

Living in Texas, I see strange and interesting things strapped to the back of cars, trucks, and vans alike. Spending quite a bit of time on the road for work, I really started to pay attention. One day, I saw an overwhelming amount of wood pallets strapped to the top of a compact SUV. They were on top of the vehicle, as well as packed to capacity in the back, with the door up, open and secured as well. With their hazards flashing a cautionary tale, the weight of the load bringing it close to the ground, and pallets swaying in the wind, I watched (from a distance cause I’m not crazy) this little engine that could, make it’s way slowly and steadily down the slow lane of the 45 freeway.

About a month later, I saw a full sized pickup with an extended cab transporting the same wooden pallets. They were stationary, secure, and not one out of place. The trucks suspension system had not forced to cry “uncle” due to the weight it was carrying. There was no need for hazards, as watched the truck speed and maneuver through traffic.

Let me tie it together. The compact SUV was capable of carrying the pallets, and I have much faith it reached it’s destination safely. However, it struggled, and was forced to go at a slower pace…because that’s not what it was made for. The truck on the other hand, was able to accomplish the same goal with ease, because that is what the manufacturer had in mind upon it’s creation. Just because your’e capable, doesn’t mean it’s optimal. (I wish I just had 3 folk to touch and agree with me).

fem·i·nism/ˈfeməˌnizəm noun

the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of equality of the sexes.

Ah, the feminist movement. From the beginning of time, women have been looked at as less than. Less intelligent, less important, and overall – weaker. Women have been sold into marriage, looked upon as worthless without a fleet of children in tow, and have historically been paid less than men in the workplace. So it is only natural, that women would come together, and say…enough.

When I think of feminism, I think of the 1950’s song saying, “Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. No you can’t. Yes I can…” With all of my contemporary views, it is this theme of thinking that draws a line in the sand between me and feminism.

e·qual /ˈēkwəl/adjective
being the same in quantity, size, degree, or value.

Equal is such an interesting word to me. Especially in this sense. Yes, I understand equality in pay for the same job, equality in education for all children, and equality of opportunity for all races and creeds. But the equality in these cases, is tied to the thing or ideal, not the person. This is where I would usually conjure up some flowery language and find some pretty analogy. But I’m not. I will just say it. Men and women are not equal. There…I said it. We are so busy fighting to be equal, we fail to see the beauty and necessity of our differences.

If asked if I considered myself a strong woman, without stutter or contemplation, my response would be yes. I work hard, support myself, can cook, change a tire, light a pilot light, grill, drive a forklift, change a garage door spring, stain, and polyurethane. I can do more than most young men my age, but that does not make us equal. No matter how many masculine qualities I have, or how many skills I attain, two things will always be true. I will never be a man, and my power will always lie in my womanhood.

Women are nurturers. Can men nurture? Sure they can. Do they do it as well? Chances are no. Women can get a good sense of who a person is. But can we size up a man like another man can? Chances are also no.

When I think of relationships in their most natural state, I think of sex. Not in a HBO, heavy bass line kind of way, just the essence of it. Men are the givers. This is provision on the most basic scales. Women then take that provision, cultivate it, and nurture it into life. Both of these positions are vital to the process. Both are equally important. The equality lies in two puzzle pieces coming together to complete a picture. Not two pieces fighting to be the best corner piece. Thus, leaving the picture incomplete.

Let’s Be Clear

Now let’s be clear. I am not…you know what? I think this calls for a part III. Next week I will discuss cultural shift, qualifications, fruit, and we gone wrap this one UP!

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