Heads Or Tails: Does Who Leads REALLY Matter? (Part I)

Hot Topic

Hey yall! After being 14 years removed from my birth place of California, I am officially a southern girl. After considering several angles, it took me some time to digest this one, but here we go.

A few weeks ago, a young singer took to social media to share her views on the proper pecking order in a relationship. Some know her for winning the Emmy award winning show American Idol, in it’s third season. Some know her from her Broadway performance in The Color Purple. While some know her as the shoe removing, lip shaking, tribute queen, the vocal power house that is – Fantasia.

Head 1st

With husband at her side, miss lip quiver herself, took to social media with a message on her mind and heart. She spoke on many things – her relationship, it’s inception, the importance of God in her life and relationship, and how this relationship played a major part in her finding her spouse, as well as the current state of her life and happiness. But these are not the topics that sent social media into a frenzy and started a re-post war.

The hot topic was two fold. It started with leadership. She stated that God intended the man to be the head of the house, and anything else is out of order. She felt that things do not function as they should when the woman tries to take the lead. She went on to speak on how the woman operated as the “neck” (insinuating that the neck can turn the head, and also plays a role in decision making etc.) in conjunction with the man being the head. The nugget in this presentation of ideas that I feel was the most overlooked, was when she said that it was a generational curse in the Black community. This truth is often overlooked and grossly misunderstood. But I feel a part II coming on to give that concept the depth and analyzation (not a word, but its my blog so deal with it lol) it deserves. So I shall proceed.


Her next point of interest sent most women into a full on frenzy. She used a word that gets almost as much negative reaction as a racial slur. It is a term that has been used for manipulation, it has been bastardized, misused, and misrepresented. But all in all – it sends most into an immediate lip smack and deep eye roll. The word in question? Submission.

Submission – the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

– Webster or whoeva

However to be fair, she used it in a biblical sense. So here are the most commonly used verses in reference to submission.

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:22 – 5:24 (KJV)

The Couple Down The Street

That sounds deep. Like hella deep. Although thus is the naure of marriage -depth. But let me back up a little.

Growing up my home like was always rough. This only got worse when I moved to Texas with my dad in 04′. Even though things were bad back in Cali, I could always break away to my moms when things got to the DEFCON 5 level. I lost a lot in the move. I lost all things familiar, my friends, proper Mexican food, and my buffer… my mom.

My life is a shining example that God will give you exactly what you need exactly when you need it. Someone posted the other day – God may not be right on schedule, but hes always right on time. I felt that. Anyways, here I am in a new place, where nothing looks like where I’ve come from, everyone talks funny, I am just starting high school, and things are CRAZY at home. I went through months and months of being made fun of at school for various reasons (my height, the way I dressed, not being Black enough, my teeth, you name it) after which, I would head home only to deal with another kind of ridicule and drama.

Then something magical happened. I forget how it came about, but I ended up babysitting for a couple down the street. We never had a strictly business relationship, but we went from a casual level of formality to virtually none. The house down the street became my safe haven. I babysat quite a bit, but would find my self there hours before my shifts, after, and even days I didn’t work at all. There was peace in that house…and I was addicted.

However, this was much more than a place to get money for school dances and to hide from my dad. It was the first time I had been in close proximity to a healthy relationship. It looked so different than everything I had ever known. It was like I had stepped through a wardrobe into Narnia, and every time I left it made it harder to walk back through my own doors. For those of you who have been with me for a while, you may remember me talking about the definition of normal. Well this house, this couple, changed my normal.

Later in our relationship, we started to have some REAL conversations. We would talk about everything from current events, politics, religion, race, and relationships. Somehow we ended up on the topic of submission. It was brought to my attention that submission was never intended to be the “dirty word” it has become today. But like most things, we had taken something that was meant to be good…and perverted it. Because when submission is done RIGHT, it never looks like domination, control, manipulation, etc. Growing up how I did, if anyone else would have said this to me, I would have silently called them a liar and went on about my business. But I saw how they lived, their everyday, how they interacted, even the bad times, and something about this conversation never left me.

Got Me F***ed Up

Quickly after Fantasia dropped a bomb on the gram, there were many responses. The most notable for me, was that of comedian – Amanda Seals. With a long resume in television and film, Amanda is most currently known for her HBO special “I Be Knowin,” and her role as Tiffany on the hit show Insecure. She is known to be two things – raw and uncut. She did not disappoint.

In true raw, feminist, Amanda fashion…she had no problem letting her counter views on the hot topic be known. Her thoughts were this. It is stupid to say that men are better leaders, simply because they are men. Yes, men have had more experience being leaders historically, but that does not make them better. She went on to say that leadership is a matter of intellect, and that women are just as capable of being leaders as men are.

Point made. Up until now, I with held my personal opinion for the most part. But here we go… actually, I am going to save this for next week. I will be addressing my thoughts, the “generational curse” mentioned before, and much more.

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