I have always loved a good title track. You knew a song was going to be lit when it was the title of the entire album. Some of the best to do it included, but are not limited to: Usher’s Confessions, Queen Bee with Dangerously In Love, Donell Jones’s Where I Want To Be, and the incomparable Anita Baker with her infamous album Rapture. The only thing that is a close second is when they say the title of the movie…in the movie. But I think we all know those usually don’t go over so well lol.
Now that I have hyped this up to no end, I better deliver. This is my title track. It is my reason for finally taking my thoughts, conversations, feelings, lows, highs, successes and failures…and taking the time to put them in black and white. For me this kills 2 birds with one stone. I grew up in a Baptist church in Yorba Linda, California. I was an usher, choir member, helped with the nursery ministry, and I would have been a praise dancer…if I could actually dance. During my time there, I learned a very valuable lesson…the power in testimony. There is something so vulnerable and empowering about sharing your experiences. It is an emotional undressing of sorts, but in the end you’re lighter than when you arrived. In addition, hearing someone elses story is often just as transformative…cutting away at the distance between main land and the “just us” islands of isolation we place ourselves on. These are their stories (Law & Order music).
Recently single, I have found myself back in the dating pool. In my early 20’s this was a pool fit for any summer vacation or spring break adventure. However, in my late 20’s this same pool is looking real “Flint-y.” I have pretty much come to terms that I am going to end up being a step mom and am simply waiting for the 1st round of early 20’s divorces to hit the streets. All of that being said your girl has been on the prowl, handing out numbers and taking names. But just a few weeks into my “single high,” I realized the the game has really changed. I am a pretty social and almost NEVER get approached in public… only to feel my phone vibrate and have a DM from the same silent creepers later on. But that is another topic for another day.
” So there’s this guy….”
This is the quote that all ladies have either posted, posted and deleted, or seriously thought about posting before the dating PTSD kicked in. (And yes you did, don’t lie.) It is the first feeling of hope, a distant but shining glimmer that he could be (dare I say it?) ….different. Well I. Had met. A guy. Impressed by initial approach, I gave him my number. Pleased that is was followed by “good morning” and “how is your day” texts, for days to come. And then there was day 3. Now mind you, at this point we haven’t had any conversation about when we will have our 1st date, we haven’t even had a phone convo (which in 2019 is another level of intimacy, but whatever). So I am sitting on my couch around 10pm and my phone vibrates with a message from him. (cue Law & Oder “dun dun”)
“Send me a pic.”
No hello. No how was your day. No please. Just a 4 word demand. The entitlement. I was not expecting such a high school move from a almost 40 entrepreneur. Now some of my male readers may not understand the weight of such a seemingly simple request. Let me break it down. Women are constantly being asked for things daily. Men always want something, even if that thing is merely an expectation.
We are expected to :
- be pretty
- not too made up but presentable
- be educated but not too smart
- not give it up too soon
- be a freak
- take care of home
- snap back after pregnancy
- support our men
- both ride and die
- and go through hell with the possibility of being glorified later
Now that we have all of that in mind. Keep in mind that he follows me on Instagram and has access to just shy of 2k posts spanning over 8 years. You want to see skinny me? Instagram. College me? Instagram. Sorority me? Instagram. Current me? You. Can. Check. My. MFn. In-sta-gram. But this was not the goal. The goal is to attain a “special” pic. One unseen by the public for his own private consumption. He could have just as easily asked me out to see me in person. My question is…
“what have you deposited to request a withdraw.”
And in that lies the issue. So often people feel they can inherently withdraw before depositing anything. And while I would like to place the blame solely on them, men typically only do things that have worked for them before. So I simply responded “I don’t send pics but my IG is current.” He responded with a simple eye roll emoji and just as quickly as I could say “so there’s this guy….” he was gone. A short time ago, this would have saddened me. Feeling as if I was back at square one and left at the “someday” orphanage waiting on my forever. But today I count it a win. Someone who does not respect your boundaries in the beginning will never respect them…or you. Boundaries are not being anti others, rather being pro yourself.
I hoped I have lived up to my title track. Thank you for stopping by.